Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
