I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
