When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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