I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
