he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
