I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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