i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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