you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
