it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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