Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
