i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
