We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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