the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
