You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize