It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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