So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
