I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
