I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
