come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
