so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
