Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
