New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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