My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
