When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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