making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
