it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
