yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
