All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
