Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
4 words: hood of his car
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
