Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
