There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
