WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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