somebody snuck up and got me drunk
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
