I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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