My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
