I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
