Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
