I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
