I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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