apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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