i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
