I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
