"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
