Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Screwed.edu
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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