how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
