he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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