where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize