she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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