i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
