do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
