You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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