Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My vagina just recognized that song.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
