Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
