Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
