I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
