Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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