its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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