Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
