yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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