What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
