After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
