My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
