Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
