im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
