you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize