And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
