From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
