idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
