Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
