Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
