He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
