she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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