Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
