yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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