i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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