Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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