Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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